A story of hope, love, connection and life

The last few months have been a rollercoaster of emotions for my family and me. In September my mom received news from the doctor, news that turned our world upside down. My mom who has always been very healthy, was diagnosed with a disease we never imagined she would get.

When the light of day fades away

The dark of night blinds our sight

One little light can help us see

The new we will become and be

My whole life I have been very grateful to have such a loving and supporting mom. She is one of my pillars, always guiding me to the next step of my personal path. She is a true artist, a ceramist that makes the most amazing work, under which 'Daylights' which she selflessly gives away to people who can use a light in darker times. She is the kind of mom I would wish for everybody to have. And in my reality she is immortal! Even when the time comes that she leaves her body, I am certain that she will still stand next to me (maybe even closer).

Now we received news which made that moment come close to a possible reality, there was still nothing inside of me that was afraid of losing her. Although I did feel grief inside of me, I grieved for the mom I always knew. Knowing that this process would change her, would transform her. My grieving tears made space to receive a new version of my mom. 

It took me some time to write this blog, to find the right words that capture this new chapter of my life. The right combination of words that can transmit the energy value I feel deep inside, that invites everyone of you to become a part of this journey. 

The first seed of this new adventure I received six years ago. When my world fell apart and I felt lost in a big grieve, a strong light entered my life. A light that filled my being with the message that I will become her mom during this life. Her energy was powerful and strong yet so refined, so pure and so serene. A promise rose from deep within me, a promise that she will be born in a new reality. A safe environment where nature will surround her, where she can freely discover her humanity, her skills and talents. I promised her a conscious mom that will give her the guidance she deserves. 

From that moment on I would  receive all life lessons with curiosity as tools for inner growth. Tools that help me to free myself, to dis-cover who I truly am, to reveal skills that were hidden, open channels that were closed before. Tools that help me to become the best version of me. 

Her presence made me realise that what she will need from me as mom, is exactly what I need from myself; embodying my true self in freedom. 

A journey of true freedom

In my last blog post I shared my journey of freeing myself from the need of food to survive. In the middle of this process we started to see the abundance of food that surrounds us everywhere. Bushes full of berries, trees full of fruits and nuts. Hundreds of golden kaki’s grow on the tree in our front garden, providing more fruits than the mouths of our small village can eat. The abundance that Mother nature provides us is bigger than I ever realised before. 

Such a beautiful contradiction,
that abundance becomes visible when the need fades away

The basic need for food carries many deep collective fears. Fears that come up, take control over my mind and bring my body sometimes in a state of stress. While my inner knowing guides me to feel through the fear, face it, heal it and release it. It feels like I take my own fear on my lap, hold it like a little child, comfort it, love it. See the belief that lies under the fear, listen to it and invite it to see different points of view, to experience something new. This is how with every wave of fear I release myself layer by layer, with every wave I gain more trust and surrender deeper in life. With every wave I feel how the releasing of a dense energy makes space for clean life energy to stream. After every wave I feel more alive. 

This journey makes me realise that every step I take, I take to create more freedom. While embracing my inner processes I feel how the freedom I create inside reflects my freedom outside. I feel the importance of my inner work to create more freedom for myself, for my surroundings and for the generations to come. 

Sometimes I don't know in advance where a step will bring me. I just feel a strong push from inside that makes me take that step. Like someone stands behind you and gives a push on your back, and to keep on standing you have to take a step forward. That's how my inner guidance feels sometimes. It tells me to go somewhere, to do something or meet someone. Without any rational reason. 

By not listening to my intuition, I learned through trial and error to listen to it. First I became more conscious about the pushes in my back or the knots in my stomach but kept on reacting from my rational mind and every time things turned out badly. So I started to follow those signs, stepping in the unknown, to see what would happen. Time after time I experienced that those signs were telling something my mind could not grasp yet. It was guiding me in the right direction every single time. Bringing me to places, to situations and meetings my mind could never have imagined. 
 

Like my intuition can look into the future, 
While my rational mind can only make decisions based on the past

I learned to trust this inner guidance, and experienced the synchronicities and magic that lies within. It helped me to break out of my comfort zone, to trust in myself, trust in life. I started to feel more alive, more open, more free. It’s as if the life energy can stream through me more freely now and my rational mind is supporting me instead of leading my life.

A journey to free myself from the need of food to survive

When storms bring us to a new paradise

Live the change you wish to see

“What is your new project?”, “How can I support?”, “Can you keep me updated?” are the questions that I get a lot lately. These questions made me realise that, after a year of silence, it is time to come out of my ‘cave’ and share my life and light with you again. With this first blog post I would like to give you a small dive into my process, share my dreams and open a new door, a door that we can enter together. 

When Light shines upon the shadows,
when we see what was invisible before,
when our eyes open behind old borders,

we will find new doors to open,
new roads to enter,
new fields to explore

First I would like to share the steps that brought me to the place where I am right now. 

Three years ago I founded I CHANGE, a movement to minimise food waste. With the instant support of the municipality, local bank and a lot of companies and local people, I CHANGE launched like a rocket. Within one year we built a Food Hub in the middle of the city. The Hub was our physical platform where we combined forces with food start-ups, restaurants, local companies and of course; the citizens of the city!

Our motto: ´Be the change you wish to see´, and by being very excited about our own changes we inspired other people and companies to change with us. Before I knew it we had started something that attracted a lot of people who wanted to help, who wanted to be a part of making the change. I CHANGE felt for me like giving birth to something that my soul wanted to give to this world; my soul mission. 
 

In this beautiful project I could express all my talents 
and at the same time I met all my challenges. 
 

The realisation of what really happens in our food system also opened my eyes for every other system we live in. Everything I found in the shadows of our system felt like a disease within my own system, within my body. I was a part of a system where I did not believe in, but by living in it I supported the existence of it. 

I was working on a beautiful project but inside I was facing a huge struggle: How to manifest my soul mission within a system that made me feel sick?